Gratitude. . .

There truly are so many things to be grateful for. I am grateful for children that keep us smiling and keep us amazed at their intelligence. It seems to me that it doesn't matter how old the kids get, each new thing they do is just as cool as their first step. I love milestones!!! Yesterday I picked Garrett up from school early to go get his flu shot. I asked, "How was school, buddy?" His reply, "B-O-R-I-N-G". It took my slow brain to catch on that he had just spelled Boring!. He is in kindergarten and is now speaking to me in "spelling language" It is hilarious! I replied, "A-W-E-S-O-M-E!" He laughed and said, "Awesome, mom!" Janalen is my tough kid. Today was her turn for the flu shot and as the nurse stabs her with the needle, she states, "That's not bad at all!" and "I guess I am pretty tough". Zane has turned into a red-headed version of Dennis the Menace. The positive side of this extra active little boy is that I have lost 6 lbs in the last week! Yeah for toddlers!!!! Blessings come in ways that we least expect. I finally did come to the "Thy will be done, Lord" feeling completely and have been seeking guidance as to the next step for us. Ben started working full time yesterday at Humana, while still working part-time at Westmoreland Pharmacy as a tech. I interviewed and got a job at Humana also in a different department. I believe I will be starting next week. I am SOOOOO Grateful for Ben's job, and am grateful for mine. Now I am praying for peace to come to terms with the feelings of guilt and neglect that I will be leaving Zane in day care all day and won't be home for Janalen and Garrett after school. I know that they will all be well cared for, but still. . . I never wanted to do anything in life, but be a stay at home mom and serve in the gospel and take care of everyone around me: my kids, husband, family, friends, neighbors, etc. I am so conflicted that I can't do that right now and that now I have to spend 40 hrs a week earning money. I suppose that I need to realize that I am still caring for my family, just in a different manner. I know it will all work out. I have decided to pursue pharmacy for myself for a career. I have felt so inspired to follow my patriarchal blessing and continue my education. I feel the need to be prepared to care for my family's need should Ben ever be unable to. You hear stories all the time about accidents, illness, etc that traumatize family's financially. If I start in January and go ahead full steam, I will hopefully be admitted into a pharmacy program July of 2011. I do feel blessed because I have learned a great deal through all of our trials this past year. We are still trying to work hard to get our heads above water, but know that if we continue to have faith, pay our tithing, etc we will receive much needed blessings.